Week #3
Three weeks gone by, dry! Only 13 more to go (but who’s counting…haha! ) A large part of the challenge…the hypothetical futuristic events where my mind travels and wonders at how I will make it through sober!
The tee-totalling thing really hasn’t been so hard so far, since I have basically been cloistered in the house, in my pajamas. We haven’t gone to any friends’ for dinner, or heaven forbid, to a party. I dutifully avoided a birthday party for a local writer/confirmed alcoholic, and her younger French “artiste” husband. (OK…I wasn’t invited…probably because at their last party I got drunk and groped the “artiste”…another story!). They tend to drink wine by the bushels, and they run a B&B complete with a hot tub and saline swimming pool. ( Do you think I took my clothes off at their last party? ;0! (yes, Dear Reader, I just gave you a winking ” oh-my” emoticon)
No, we stayed home and watched old Downton Abby episodes. Yes, this is how I am surviving the “bleaks” of January, without “spirits”, holed up watching British Drawing Room Drama. I say, no one ever gets too loaded in Downton. They are always nursing little thimbles of things…on screen, at least! (And there is no puking to speak of , but one does wonder at the purpose of all those random vases and vessels lurking a atop the chiffonieres along the hallways. Convenient for purging before you hit the smoking room. Ever practical, those Brits.)
When I am not distracting myself with the lives of the landed gentry, than my mind sneaks over to the corner bar to figure how and when I am going to get my next drink! I am definitely still in the privation stage. Will it ever end? Will I ever be a free woman again? Not calculating my days and important events around whether there will be a cocktail present? Speaking of the present, I seem to have a hard time hanging out here. I think about all the landmines ahead. How will I navigate my cousin’s wedding, including seeing my father’s family, whom I haven’t seen in 20 years. I scratched off the idea of taking that “bucket list” trip to New Orleans. Seems a genuine impossibility without hard liquor! It’s in the pipes of that town! ( I think they can officially throw you out of the French Quarter for not drinking!)
I am thinking of attending a conference in Florida in March. ( I am so desperate for sun that Florida seems like Shangri-funkin-la!) Holy Crap! How can I not have a drink in the Florida Keys? It is, after all, the original “Margaritaville”, the Land of the Tequila Sunrise! I mean, Key Largo and Ernest Hemingway – well, OK – he might be an inspiration for me to stay sober! This is sounding too fun and too glamorous, I must go over to the “dark side”.
I must remember and relive some of the uglier moments of what it is to be drunk. The tragic mistakes, the lives wasted, relationships lost, everything blurred, sticky, dishonest and distorted. My drunken stories that I want to share serve as a witness, to laugh at my silly and raw nakedness (literally) and take a deep breath at accidents evaded, close calls and of all of the incredible amounts of vomit!
I think I might need some better coping tools..if I am to survive this winter and remain dry! I heard (from a friend, of course…really…you believe me, right?) that at AA they say ” I am choosing to not drink...today.” But then, your life becomes an endless cycle of todays. The problem is – the “be here now” philosophy is also great for getting boozed up and not worrying about tomorrow!!!
Booze Kitten 